I went golfing a couple days ago, and an unprecedented thing happened to me. You may think hole in one, eagle, or, heaven forbid, broke a club over my knee through a cloud of obscenities. But no, I was hit by a ball. Out of nowhere, a ball flies over the trees like some kind of kamikaze eyeball and drills me right in the chest. No “four!” or anything either. Just driving in the golf cart with my father and boom. Luckily it didn’t damage my tender but extremely masculine body extensively, although I did feel like I was punched by an invisible man with a really small hand and a really quick jab, and my dad hit the deck like he was having a ‘Nam flashback. The guys who were responsible rounded the corner and we made amends, they claimed ignorance of having hit me, though I have my doubts as I think the phrase “He knows too much” may have been uttered under breath. But anyway, I think I can safely assume that I’m relatively safe at a golf course now, because who’s ever been hit by a ball twice?