Poetry

Downhill Ride

Something I wrote right after I had spent the evening with my then best friend, knowing that I would probably never see her on a regular basis again. Ironically, there is a line in the poem saying she is “still a part of my life,” which is no longer true, considering I haven’t even spoken with her in two years. So that night when I wrote this was basically the last time I had contact with her. Crazy how life works out.

Rating: Whatever

Downhill Ride

We’re here and now, will we ever be again?
Will we ever have moments like this again?
God knows this will play in my head
over and over
Coming home really makes you aware of your past
How long it lasts
Tomorrow will come and go in 24 hours
but the memory of tomorrow will last the rest of my life
Will you remember this?
This small room that I’ve called my home for the last 20 years
will only be a home in my mind from now on
I don’t think I’ll ever be back
I wonder if the tears I’ve shed,
the writings I’ve made,
the things I regret
I wonder if those have somehow left a stain in this room
I wonder if they’ve made a mark
This neighborhood, that used to bustle with activity
from me and my fellow gang of hoodlums
But now it lays dormant
silent
The children that now live here use it for different purposes
The ravine where I used to catch frogs
is no longer ravaged, conquered, or even explored
That is no longer a tool of endless imagination
for the present generation
The park at the end of the road is empty
It used to be so much bigger
The hours I used to spend playing baseball
with a friend that is now married
and I will probably never talk to him again
I wonder if he seldom spares a thought for me
When I visit this place again, later in life
it will probably have changed again
I wonder what new memories will be etched
into the cheap metal of the slides and swingsets
or the basketball court, that doesn’t even have a hoop anymore
A house now stands where I once build a fort with several friends
None of whom I talk to anymore
I wonder if the people who live there even know who I am
All of these passing moments that I cannot live again
but boy do I try
Every passing second is another second I can’t have back
The moment I just shared with my best friend
cannot be bought back
But does that even matter?
The person I just spent a cherishable moment with is gone, yets she’s not
Something about her lives in me and something about me lives in her
that something, that mystery,
does not exist relative to time
it is beyond time or distance
I am a different man now then I was
when I actually saw her regularly
How I wish I could have been this man then
So that maybe I could have enjoyed it more
So that maybe I could have loved her better
cherished her more
because I love and cherish her now
I am a new man
A man that doesn’t take life for granted
A man who has no regret
A man who from here forth, refuses to let life live itself
A man who will grab life by the throat
and take in as much as possible
There is no stopping me
Life can be hard
and memories can remind you of just how hard
But I refuse to believe that it’s not worth living
Life goes by fast
but who’s to say it isn’t infinite
There’s a lot more of my life to live
and she’s still in it
and so many others are too
and many more to come
I can only imagine
From now on, I’m not the driver of this life
It’s all a downhill ride from here.

© 2003 Morgan Foster

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