Essays

13 Reality Shows that Never Made It

13. The Swan: Chimp Edition
They were about halfway through making the show when they realized that true Chimp beauty is on the inside.

12. Chartered Accountant meets Bookworm
Having a “reading and typing” room on the party bus never led to many sexual interactions.

11. The Widower
The first Widower to lead the show turned out to be not a Widower but a Hungarian.

10. The Real Golden Girls
The Real Gilligan’s Island was lame enough, and though the old women came in droves, the producers tried to salvage what they could.

9. The Simple Life 13: Bette Midler
Enough said.

8. Temptation Island: Fat People
The contestants were more tempted by the host, whose name was John Butter.

7. Queer Eye for the Blind Guy
The show wasn’t interesting, but the blind guys did look FABULOUS!

6. Minority Swap
Oh wait, we don’t have anymore racism in this country. Thanks Patriot Act! (oooo, biting political humor, I think I may be investigated for that)

5 . Trading Insurance Rates
As if it couldn’t have been any more irritating, Paige Davis decided to host this one too.

4 . My Big Fat Obnoxious Toaster
Don’t you hate when your toaster strudel doesn’t get dark enough, then you toast it some more and it burns. It buuuuuuuuuuuuuurns!

3 . American Supreme Court Justice
Unfortunately, Rehnquist and Bader were both voted off in favor of Nick Lachey and Lindsey Lohan. The government was still just as useless as ever, but a little sexier.

2. The Amazing Racist
Ummm, yeah.

1. Survivor: Cheboygan
It took until the second to last episode for the contestants to realize that they were not competing at a “North-Pole” suburb.

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