Random Thoughts

On Too Many People and Losing Control

When I was hanging out with my friends in Minneapolis, we were wandering through downtown at one point, and a train of thought in my little brain took off. As we were walking to a coffee shop, we passed probably 30 women that I found very attractive, all of whom I would consider dating to see if there was more there (ie, I’m in this for more than a pretty face). Now I’m a male, so it may work a little differently between male and female (considering my friend I was with said she probably sees one guy she finds really attractive like once a week), but this got me thinking. So I saw 30 or so women on one little walk to a coffee shop in a section of downtown Minneapolis. This is one little section of a city, that’s just one big city of many big cities in one country of many many countries that comprise our world. That’s a lot of women that I find attractive, when you do the math. Now for me to think that one of those women was “meant” for me is absolutely insane.

And when you really think about, true monogamous love in general is completely irrational, and marriage being the absolute apex of this insanity. And yet we as human beings seem willing to sacrifice everything to experience it for even a brief moment. If there are such things as soul mates, and there is one person destined for all of us, how on earth could I ever expect to find him or her when there are SO many people in the world? How many soul mates actually never meet? How many soul mates meet but never realize it and settle for others? Or do we simply feel close enough with someone that we just make up the “soul mate” part?

The only real answer to this that I can conclude is “I don’t know, and I have no control over it.” There are a lot of people in the world, and I don’t know how on earth I’m supposed to find the one I feel is destined for me and me for them, and unfortunately, there is no way for me to control it. I have to relinquish control.

And that got me thinking that I think most people who are like me have to reach this point to ever have faith. What I mean by people like me (and none of these are meant to be degrading) I mean weaker-faithed, more rational-thinking, and like to be and are used to being in control. I think of the lyrics from “Hard to Get” by Rich Mullins:

And I don’t know where you’re leading me, unless you’ve led me here
where I’m lost enough to let myself be led

I know a couple people in my life who are blessed with rock solid faith that is so easy for them. Some are blessed with faith like a child. I guess I got blessed with “faith like a jaded intellectual” and in my experience, I always have to reach that point of being so overwhelmed by how little control I have, that I have no choice but to give it up. That point where rationalizing will no longer prove anything. For me to ever trust in God and actually have faith, I and others like me must reach that point of being lost enough to let ourselves be led.

Random “walking to the coffeshop in a big city” thoughts.

2 thoughts on “On Too Many People and Losing Control”

  1. I was re-reading this post and it reminded me of a recent post by my friend Shelly. And you expressed what I tried to comment way better. So I linked it in a new comment, found here. Just FYI. I like to let people know when I talk about how cool they are on the internet….

  2. I, too, was just rereading this post. You probably don’t remember the quote Tom and I used from J. R. R. Tolkien’s letters in our wedding, but it’s the best thing I’ve ever seen written about soul mates. He tells his son, essentially, that any number of people out there could be our soul mates. The only one who becomes that person is the person *you choose* to spend the rest of your life with. Tolkien wasn’t known for his easy and romantic marriage (although the romance that began it was nearly as epic as Beren and Luthien). He had to work hard for his marriage to work, and the reason it did was because he committed to making that happen.

    I figure there are a lot of people in the world a single person could be compatible with. There is no one person out there waiting to be found. But there is a person that you might eventually choose, and that’s the person who will become your soul mate.

    How’s that for romanticism?

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