Random Thoughts

Outrageous Fortunes

Here’s a couple fortune cookie gems I received recently:

“You have a potential urge and the ability for accomplishment.”

“You have great physical powers and an iron constitution.”

6 thoughts on “Outrageous Fortunes”

  1. I read a book a little while ago called American Shaolin, where this young 20’s college student goes on an educational sabbatical from Princeton and decides to go to China and train with Shaolin Monks. The most disturbing thing that happens is his discovery of “iron” training where you focus on making one part of your body as impervious to harm as possible. Iron forearms would break staffs people where swinging at you, iron head practitioners could break swords over their heads. Then there was iron crotch. An iron crotch specialist could literally be lifted off the ground by the force of a kick to the balls and smile the entire time like you were tickling him. It talked about the exercises they have to do every morning, which was basically putting your junk on a table and punching it. So maybe “iron constitution” is a much larger compliment from a Chinese source than we are realizing.

  2. Yes, it’s cliche, but all fortune cookies gems work better when followed with, “…in bed.”

  3. My most interesting fortune from our local China Buffet read: “Be sure to write things down.” Sometimes, the fortunes are right on! I’ve kept a 27 cent Walmart spiral pad in my shirt pocket ever since.

  4. The best fortune cookie I ever got/heard was:

    “If a frog had wings, he wouldn’t bump his butt when he jumps.” I have NO idea what it means.

  5. The best one I’ve ever had is taped on the top of my computer monitor (you know, just in case I ever forgot this important fortune). It says:

    “You are not illiterate.”

    Just the fact that I was able to read my own fortune made it fulfilled.

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