Morgan’s Rantings and Waxings

I’ve learned that the key to going to a wedding is to make yourself better looking than the groom so that the bride will think “Why aren’t I marrying that guy?” Just kidding, Tim, you’re almost as attractive as me.

Do you ever find yourself thinking, “God, would it be all that bad if I had superpowers?”

There’s a business across the street from my apartment with these giant spot lights, and every time I go out to smoke, I mean, sit and enjoy the weather, I see these huge lights flashing towards the heavens. What on Earth do they need those for? However, they do give the illusion of an Aurora …

I can go through life without a lot of things, and cheese is not one of them.

It occurred to me that “The Rainbow Connection” is the only song I know about rainbows.

In my lifetime, 22 years to be precise, I have spontaneously bought a basketball on 4 different occasions. That seems excessive, but the national average is actually 2 spontaneous basketball purchases in a lifetime, and since my mother always told me I was “above average,” I figure I’m doing alright.

A friend at work said this “Sure Hitler was a jerk and all, but he made this amazing quiche.”

Maybe instead of war we could get Saddam and George together for an intense night of Crash Bandicoot.

So I found out that that guy who kidnapped Elizabeth Smart said her new name was “The Remnant that will return,” so I decided that from now on I will be known as “Guy who bought a taco.”

I tell ya. You know you’re getting old when you say “Is that the biggest container of Cottage Cheese they have?”