Sometimes instead of saying “Hello,� don’t you just feel like saying “I’m Batman.�

One of these days, I’m finally going to track down that bastard who keeps taking an hour away from me in the spring.

One time I thought an empty billboard was selling the color white. So I called the number at the bottom of the billboard and asked, “Is this the white store?� and the guy said, “Excuse me, that’s Caucasian store.� I didn’t even know that was a color.

When you’re being interrogated by the cops, do you ever wonder if there’s another cop behind the two-way mirror making faces at you because you can’t see him. Someday I’ll find you officer goofy-face.

Geez, somebody got their face sucked off by the ugly fish.

The big red fluffy chair looked much like a big red fluffy chair. From hell!!

Why is it that when you use the bathroom, the toilet’s already full of water. Seems like a big waste. I’ll bet that water could be better used somewhere else. Like water factories.