Today would have been Mom & Dad’s 59th anniversary. The classic story from their wedding was that after the officiant had pronounced them husband and wife, my Dad turned to start walking back down the aisle. My Mom yanked him back frustratedly because they weren’t suppose to walk down yet, and the officiant said to my dad “So it begins.”

Mom & Dad definitely came from a generation that was much more entrenched in gender roles within marriage, and while they weren’t the generation that invented the “I hate my spouse” style of humor, they still loved the classic jokes along the lines of “my wife/my husband is so crazy” and “men and women sure are different.” Those types of jokes, complaints, and stories were certainly present all through my upbringing, but there was something different with my parents’ relationship. There was a steadiness and an honesty between them that helped me remain confident that while they may joke about each other, or even passionately complain about each other, at the end of the day they really really loved each other. As I saw so many other relationships from their generation end in divorce, I just knew that was never going to happen with them.

I’m not sure I would have ever put it in those words while I was growing up, but while going through their stuff at the house after they passed last year, I kept coming across reminders of that, which made me realize that steady reality I always had in my childhood. One of our favorite pictures we discovered of them was this one from around their wedding day (I say that just because I’m not positive it was on the day):

It captures so candidly an energy to their relationship that was difficult for me to see or understand as their child. The confidence of knowing your parents really love each other is something I definitely took for granted (but is something I’m so happy I can provide to my own children, though I imagine they will be like me and not really understand that until many years from now).

Along with that picture, another thing I found in my Dad’s office was this note:

I have no idea when she gave that to him, but since I found it in his office stuff, that means that it was likely on his desk in a special spot, not filed away or in a big pile. And she was right, she was by his side to the very end. After mom passed, and we continued going through stuff in their house, we kept finding other cards and letters expressing that same sentiment, both from Mom to Dad and vice versa. The last few years of their lives were a little rough on all of us, and finding all these private letters and notes between the two of them felt like a little peek behind the curtain that I was never privy to while they were alive.

I don’t really know what I believe these days, and while I wish I could confidently say I know they’re back together right now somewhere up there, I can confidently say they really loved each other when they were here, and maybe that’s enough.

So Mom & Dad, I love you both a lot, and sure miss you a lot. While I’m not sure it’ll ever stop hurting, it does get a little easier to think about and write about these stories and smile. I hope I never stop finding little easter eggs about your lives during the rest of mine. Happy Anniversary!