(I did write this on Wednesday night October 31st, but couldn’t post it until now)
I’m sitting here in my almost completely empty apartment, with my whole life in a truck outside, trying desperately to figure out how to say goodbye to this place. And I really don’t know how. The entire person that I have become has basically occurred in this city. When I think about the person I was when I entered this town, and the person I am that is leaving, there are a couple similarities, but for the most part I’m a completely different person. I still have loneliness angst way more than I should, but I have learned how to be alone a lot better. I still struggle with seeing myself as an ugly person, but I’ve also learned to embrace my body. I still wonder sometimes if God’s really listening and if any of this meant anything, but my faith has also become much more rich and secure.
I think about all the people that have come into my life and mean so much to me now that I had no idea about when I came here (hell, that I had no idea about a year ago). I think about all the romantic relationships that started and ended, and other ones that almost started, but never were. I think about it all, because I desperately need the resolution that is virtually unattainable.
While this is difficult, it is something I feel I have to do.Â So I have no choice but to pack up the last of my things, go out for one more night of drinking with friends (as a resident of Grand Rapids), cry a lot, fight off the urge to smoke, play a few songs on my iPod that I’ve deemed the soundtrack of this move, and say goodbye to this chapter of my life (I even felt the need to drive by my gym and say goodbye to the people there). Of all the chapters in my life I’ve had to say goodbye to, this one has proven particularly difficult, and while I do say goodbye, I will forever cherish this chapter.
In fact, I wrote a song about it:
It’s quite sad, but was something I felt I had to write. Obviously I don’t want to say goodbye to all of you, and thanks to the wonders of phones and the internet, I shouldn’t have to.
So to all of you who have joined me in part or all of my Grand Rapids chapter, I love you all dearly, and I can never express enough just how much you mean to me. To all of you I say “see you later” (and I also say “call me and come visit me lots”). To the Grand Rapids Morgan I say farewell.